My goal is to have a blog with a positive mindset. The blog is never meant to be a rant, or forum to dis the world that I live in. I am beyond grateful for my life, and there are endless positive things about my life to write about.
That does not mean that life has always been a smooth boat ride to success and happiness. There are things I experienced in my childhood that I never want another child to experience. One of the biggest of these is my experience playing high school basketball.
We won state! We won it all. To this day, we are the only Marion High School team to ever win a state basketball title. We may be the only Marion High School sports team to ever win a state title. I am sure that I will be quickly corrected, if I have that wrong, and I welcome the insight.
How was winning a state basketball title not a major life highlight? How is such triumph an example of a major storm on the boat ride to a life of success and happiness?
One word, “abuse.”
Abuse comes in many forms, mental, verbal, social, physical…I could go on.
Coach Debbie Robledo brought abuse in all forms. I have never mentioned anyone by first and last name in my blog in a negative light, and I make no apology for doing so now. I look back on this experience, which happened my freshman year of high school, and everything that I know now about self-esteem, culture, mindset and abuse applies.
There is one particular child that did this tour of playing basketball with me that truly stands out. I won’t mention her by name, but she knows who she is. Coach Robledo destroyed her mentally. The girl did not survive the team. They called it “making the team“, but we were such a small school that there were no cuts based on talent. The girl told her brother that we were being abused, and he spoke up in an attempt to protect us, only to his own ridicule. She was labeled as a “weak”, “lazy” outsider. She went on to pave her way in our US military. I am not aware of anyone that is weak or lazy that makes their way in our US military, especially not to the degree that she has. Fast forward two decades, and I would meet someone that knows her, and he would go on and on about how successful and accomplished she is. He has immense respect for her strength and work ethic. She was one of the few that spoke up about the abuse we endured. I am proud to know that she went on to serve our country.
So, what exactly happened? Coach Robledo was in our faces every practice telling us how worthless we were, and that our only hope at college was an athletic scholarship because our parents could not afford college. She was half right, basically no one’s parents could afford to send their child to college, but that did not make any of us dependent on basketball, and very few from her rein of terror went to college on basketball scholarships.
The absolute best path to a college scholarship is academic merit. The problem with a sports scholarship is that you essentially have a full time, unpaid job for four years, which you have to fit your academic studies into. Please do not misunderstand me, I am 1000% supportive of college athletes, if you have a strong academic standing in a meaningful degree program, and you played sports in college, then you are at the top of my list of people to hire.
That said, an academic scholarship means that you do not have a full time, unpaid job through college, and obviously that is a better path for most. The exceptions are those that truly love the sport they are playing. I was not one of those people. My passion is running; hence, the name of this blog. I did not love basketball; I did not even like basketball. I was under the control of an abuser, under the premise that enduring the abuse of my coach was my only chance in life.
The abuse began with the coach, and some players were forced to be abusers themselves under her reign. I myself was physically assaulted by the coach, and that is the day that she should have been fired. There is little that I would like to change in my life, but if I could go back in time and have the courage to speak up, I would.
There was the day that Coach Robledo found it appropriate to make a player drink water off of the locker room floor, and another day where a player was told to drink water off the gym floor. There was the day that she told me that I laid down quicker than a ten dollar whore. On what planet does an adult say something like this to a fourteen year-old child? We endured endless verbal berating. In a single day, everyday, we exceeded the number of practice hours for an entire week.
As I have mentioned, there was the day that she slammed me in the face, blindside with a basketball. I should have walked away that day; I should have first called my father, and then the police to press charges, but those actions would have been the actions of a brave, confident person. I was a terrified, abused child. I was weak.
How did it all play out? One has to wonder. Coach Robledo would eventually be removed as our coach for making a racial slur to a black player. This young woman is to this day, one of the bravest, most intelligent, most kindhearted, most athletic people that I have ever met. The school removed her as our head coach, yet let her continue teaching. The incident led to a media frenzy, public school board hearing, and a trial. The girl should never have had to endure all of this. I was to weak to speak up in prior months about my own experiences. There were countless incidents where no one spoke up.
At the public school board hearing, I witnessed brain washing and social pressure that I could write an entire book about. Everyone stood by the coach, including me. Only a few, brave souls spoke up against her, and they were met with great ridicule for doing so. My second grade teacher was among those that spoke up. She loved us all so much, and most of us had been in her second grade class. She said, “This is not about winning or losing in basketball; it is about integrity.”
She was brave and she was right. Today, when I am challenged by life’s events, and I feel weak, I think of her words; her words make me strong.
While there were examples of physical abuse, there were way more examples of mental and verbal abuse in our basketball days. I believe that non-physical abuse leaves deeper scars than the abuse that we can physically feel. I am deeply scarred by my experience, and I have never talked openly about what I experienced with anyone, until this blog post.
Coach Robledo expected us to put basketball ahead of everything – our family, our friends, our school work, our other interests, our integrity. Let me never make this mistake again in life.
Thank you God for the guardians that you have put in my life, my second grade teacher, my high school English teachers, my family, my friends, my neighbors and my mentors.