I was raised by a marine that fought in the Vietnam war. In our home, we were taught respect for our elders and our country before we were taught to eat from a spoon. We were taught to have have respect for our family members, our neighbors and our teachers. We were taught the importance of earning the respect of others. We were taught that men and women should respect each other.
They say that a woman looks for traits of her father in her significant other. I personally do not. My father was an amazing dad, but my life is very different in the big city than it was in the rural area that I grew up in; I see the world differently now, and I am simply not looking for a father figure. There is one exception to this rule – respect.
I had an immense amount respect for my father. Anyone that knew my father to any degree shared my respect for him. For me attraction to a man and respect go hand and hand. Respect takes time to develop, and it often comes in the form of defining moments. I think that is why it takes such a long time for me to develop a real attraction towards someone, and in the rare cases of sudden attraction, I believe it is the result of an event that made me gain considerable respect for that person in an instant.
This also explains why I never act on physical attraction. Every once in awhile, I will cross paths with a man that I find physically appealing, but I know that it is not a sustainable situation without respect, so I never react to it.
The need to know someone and respect them before falling for them was a great attribute to have when I was living in a small town where everyone knows everyone. Now, this need makes finding someone in the big city difficult, if not impossible. I need a long time to get to know a person before I can develop an interest in them. I often wonder how I will ever get to know someone well enough to develop the needed respect for them and in turn fall in love. Respect is a very hard thing to develop in a date setting.
The only relationship that I have ever had with someone that I did not already know and respect as a friend was the man that I married…the wrong man. I am forever a country girl at heart.