Two months ago, I was at a very low point. It felt as if everything that could possibly go wrong was going wrong. The worst of it is that I lost perspective on what matters. The past two months have been trying, and I have gone to sleep exhausted at night and at times I have cried myself to that sleep, but I walking away with solid perspective on what I am blessed in life. I also see that while it may be pouring down rain for some period of time; the sun will shine again before long.
Here’s an update on my writer’s block list of things that I was worried about….
1) I am in the middle of a somewhat major health crisis. I had major surgery two weeks ago. I was out of my mind worried by the time that the surgery was. I awoke in the hospital from my surgery the next day feeling incredibly well. I even logged into my pc from my hospital bed to talk some of my team members through an issue that another team member had inadvertently created the night before. I was feeling great, and I still that way. The post-surgery prognosis is PERFECTLY positive, and I am EXTREMELY grateful for my health. It is amazing how much better I feel. I am looking forward to being able to go for a run again.
2) I am going to lose one of my key resources at work if his H1 does not get approved. His H1 has been approved, and he is now an employee.
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4) A very close friend of mine has gotten herself in some legal trouble, and I am extremely worried about what the outcome will be. The short of it is that it was all a huge misunderstanding, and everyone involved agreed, but it still freaks me out that she was facing a felony charge with a potential 2 to 20 year jail sentence. The charges were reduced to a misdemeanor, and she is on probation, no jail time. It is kind of nice. She can’t drink while on probation, so I have someone interested in nondrinking activities. I look forward to running after work with her instead of going to happy hour once I am able to run again after my surgery.
5) I have gained 5 pounds in the last 2 weeks. I am off my marathon training schedule. This is a very important personal goal. I am WAY off my marathon training schedule. Major surgery and not being able to run for more than a month were not on the itinerary. However, I am looking forward to getting back in shape, and I have lost the 5 pounds with my super healthy plant based diet.
6) I miss my friendship with Canary, but I am still too angry and disappointed in him to do anything about it. Canary and I called a truce. I will leave it at that.
7) It is a VERY big deal to me on both a professional and personal front that my project at work hits its July 1 deadline. I only have control over one piece of a very large puzzle. It is July 1st today, and we went live in parallel. We are still more than a month ahead of the original delivery date. I am excited with how well the project is going. I am learning something new everyday from Taz and his crew as well as the other consultants on the project. I look forward to work everyday.
8) Things are a mess with Wisconsin Boy because of the whole health situation. I don’t know what to do. Every time that I have ever made a list of things that I was worried about and looked back on it later, there was something on the list that simply dropped off. In every I case, I was worried about something that I shouldn’t spend my energy caring about. Wisconsin Boy turned out to not be what I thought. The closer we got, the more I saw his insecurities. I had to look perfect every minute. I like me without makeup. I walked away from him when he questioned some of the people that I call friends. I love all of my friends, all sizes, all races, all professions, all social statuses. He thought that was weird and referred to someone that I think the world of as a charity case. If anyone is a charity case in a friendship, it me, and I see every friend I have a blessing. I would like to say that I articulated this in an eloquent manner and simply walked away. Truth be told, I got angry, told him to f’ off, and marched away. The important thing is that I chose to get away.
Two months ago, I was on a major low. I did not feel well day in and day out. I was exhausted and feeling a little lost. Today, I am in a new place, content and happy, blessed with a fresh perspective on life.
Two weeks ago, I had surgery. I went into the surgery not knowing what the outcome might be, and I was afraid. I want to be one of those people that isn’t afraid that simply lifts up their head and looks beyond whatever stands in front of them without fear, but I wasn’t. I spent all the days leading up to the surgery thinking about how much I love my life.
Little Chirp and Brainy Bird make everyday special. I like when we have something special planned like a trip to my sister’s house, a visit to the museum or big vacation like Disney World or a cruise. Just as much, I like the ever day. I like cooking them special foods to try. Tonight, Little Chirp delighted me by saying, “Mommy, what smells so good?” while I was busy fixing him lobster claws and orange glazed brusell sprouts for a special dinner.
I like hearing about their day. I love talking to Little Chirp about starting kindergarten in the fall, and having Brainy Bird tell me about whatever book that he is reading.
I have so many people in my life that are true friends. Lunch Mommy Bear, drinks with Em and K, and parties and Funday Sunday with Sunshine and her family always make me happy. Brunch with my brother and friends is a great way to spend a Sunday.
In addition, to having a happy family and awesome friends, I have a job I love. I enjoy going to work everyday. Today, was my first day back after being gone for two weeks, and everyone greeted me so kindly. It felt really good to be back with my coworkers. Under Taz’s leadership, our project is delivering lights out. I learn something new everyday, and it feels great to be part of such a successful effort.
I want for nothing, and that is not something that was true two years ago. I am finding my way on my own, and I am embracing what I have in life. I am still human and I will have my day in and day out ups and downs, but I will hold tight to the perspective that the past couple of months has given me.