This week has been a roller coaster, and it is ending on a high note. Ultimately, I am grateful for the people in my life. I am grateful for my boys, my sister, my brother-in-law, my cousins, my coworkers and my friends.
Last night, I fell into the vortex of despair. There is so much on my mind. I cannot take anymore agony or stress, and there was more yet to come. My darkest hour was truly just before dawn. I got in a fight with a friend that I have had for nearly 30 years. Life has not been the same since she moved away, and she was in Houston last night. It hurt me deeply to find out that she was here and did not call me. The greatest part of the pain was she had come to see the family of Brainy Bird’s bully.
I have been in self reflection mode for quite some time, and I know that every parent has regrets. My biggest regret is maintaining a friendship with the parents of a child that put my child through hell. I am unable to explain how I could make such a huge mistake. I am not sure if my anger is really at my best friend or myself.
The boys are at their dad’s house this weekend. I spent most of the day in bed today crying and wishing that I had drank one less vodka soda the night before. I cried for Brainy Bird, and for the many children in his class that have been victims of bullying. I cried in anger at myself knowing that I failed to protect him.
I cried for Mom and Dad. I cried out of anger and frustration about things that do not normally get me down, like the women who are train wrecks themselves that gossip about me, and the fact that I finally told the guy that I am crazy about how I feel, and I basically not heard from him aside from a text message checking that I got home safely. I cried about the uncertainty of the world that we live in. I mostly cried for Brainy Bird.
I cried myself to sleep. I am pretty sure that today is the first time that I have taken a nap in 2020. I would have slept through to the night, but I had a friend’s birthday party to go to. I got up around five o’clock in the afternoon, and I checked to see if Brainy Bird’s SAT score had been posted.
My mood did a complete 180. Brainy Bird thought after taking the test that he had gotten all of the math questions right. He can usually tell you without looking at the results which questions he missed. He did in fact get a perfect score in math along with a 750 on the verbal, for a total score of 1550.
I called Brainy Bird to let him know, and this prompted him to get on his computer and check his email where he found several emails about scholarships. One scholarship he has been awarded and another he has made it to the next round for. He wants to pay his own way through college, and I believe that is going to happen. I am so proud of him.
His step mother said he is visibly VERY happy today. I am looking forward to him getting home tomorrow. We will be having a celebration dinner with his aunt and uncle on Saturday. My mother always said the only thing she wanted for us in life is for us to be happy. I 100% understand this now.
He has just five and a half months of high school left. He will go off to college, and he most likely will never see his bully again. I know that he will always carry the emotional scars with him, but I also know that he is focused on his future, not his past.
Nothing in this world will ever make what happen to Brainy Bird okay, but there are aspects of it that are positive. Little Chirp is good looking and athletic, thus making him popular at school, especially with the girls. I told Little Chirp when he made the basketball team, that if I ever hear of him bullying another child, I would take him off the team immediately. As amazing as our school system is, we have a serious problem with sports culture and the athletes getting away with being bullies to kids they view as nerds.
Little Chirp’s response to my stance on bullying, “Mom, I would never be a bully. It is kids like my brother that get picked on, and no one in the world is better to me than my brother.“