I have spent the last week and a half worried. I have been to the lab nearly everyday for blood work, and lots of other fun tests. I still don’t feel right. I can’t decide if not feeling right is a result of my anxiety over the situation, or if it is a sign that something is wrong.
There are additional tests that they can run to determine with a greater degree of certainty whether or not I have cancer. The thing about more testing is that the threat of the cancer never goes away. I will need to continue with testing every six months to have the assurance of early detection of cancer. The cancer that they fear I have is extremely difficult to detect. Furthermore, the most conclusive tests for cancer are scans that in and of themselves could cause cancer over time.
My doctor was very honest with me. He said that they do not know a lot about the cancer that my mother died from. He highly recommends that I move forward with surgery, and that I not put it off beyond June. He acknowledged that it is likely that they will complete the surgery and find out that I was cancer free all along. But the only way to assure that I will not die of the cancer is to have the surgery.
Having surgery means that I can never have another baby. But it also means that I never again have to go for tests. It means that if I do in fact have cancer right now that my chances of survival go way up.
Not having surgery means that I am rolling the dice with my health. It means more tests. It means worrying all the time that something may be wrong. But it also means that I would not have miss weeks of work and that I could one day have another child.