I can still remember the days I prayed for all the things I have now.
I am sitting in my sister’s quiet house. The only sounds are her two dog’s pitter patter on the wood floors, my own typing on my keyboard, and the occasional gust of wind outside. It is a dreary, cool day. In my own home, quiet is the norm. In her home, quiet is rare. I am the only human home at the moment.
As I reflect on the past months, I find my heart full. I am grateful for the incredible life that I live. I came to my sister’s house to be supportive during their time of loss. What I found is much needed inner peace.
In recent months, I let the behaviors of others distract me from the path that I am on. I have let people, that devote their lives to getting drunk, judge me and displace what matters to me. I am not sure how this happened.
In 2019, I made life changing decisions.
First, I left a lucrative career in big 4 consulting to go to work for a small energy consulting firm. I did not believe that being a partner at the big 4 consulting firm would be fulfilling, and there were limitations on my life that I did not like. The biggest limitation being the ability to readily buy and sell any stocks I choose. We all have things that we are good at. Trading analytics is something that I am good at.
Second, I sold my beautiful home with a lake view and swimming pool. I purchased a modest little home that I can easily afford for the rest of my life. The driver of this decision was twofold. One, I was not sure if I would be successful at my new job. I worked with incredibly talented people at the big 4 firm. Were they the only reason that I was successful? Second, I wanted to have the money to pay for Brainy Bird to go to MIT.
I made great decisions in 2019. I worked hard, and I also took great care of my health. Somehow, I went off track mentally in 2020. This in turn took me off track from a health perspective.
My decisions in 2019, should have made the stress of 2020 and the pandemic and shutdown easier to handle. At first, this was the case. Somewhere along the way, I stopped balancing work and life. I just worked everyday, day in and day out. Working from home, there was no natural stopping point of packing up my stuff and driving home. I just worked until I literally could not see my computer screen anymore each day. Then I got up and did it all again the next day.
I had limited human interaction. I became the person that shutdowns small talk on conference calls and gets right to the point of the meeting. I kept the news on all of the time, and my only social interaction was Facebook. I became negative and frustrated with all that is wrong in the world. I became impatient and short tempered, which I have not been since my twenties. The stress nearly killed me. I took this lifestyle right into 2021.
Then the freeze happened in February 2021. I was forced to not work for two straight days because I had no electricity or internet. For two straight days, I had an unbearable headache as my eyes tried to focus from being at a computer screen for 15 hours a day for an entire year to socializing with my children. Then on Friday evening after the freeze, my head continued to ache. I felt dizzy and confused, and I felt an unbearable pain in my chest. I most likely had a heart attack. Ironically, I had to get out of bed on Saturday morning, I had to work. If I had not gotten up and turned off the fireplace, I am not sure I would be here right now. The cardiologist thinks I had overexposure to carbon monoxide from a fireplace that was not properly maintained.
Then I went right back to my 15 hour work days, missing not one but three doctor’s appointments, until my sister finally jumped my tail for not going to the doctor for my test results. I finally followed up with the doctor, and I was told that I need to drastically reduce my percentage of body fat. Fun! I stay thin by running. I love running. How did I manage to not have time to go running for nearly six months?
I hired a nutritionist, and I plan to start practicing what she told me TODAY and everyday for the rest of the year. Then I made plans to come to New Braunfels to work on my mental wellbeing.
I have been extremely frustrated with a world that I cannot control. There is an overweight, unattractive woman that has dedicated her life to going to the bar every single day. Even after being arrested for drunk driving at 10 AM on a Saturday after an all-nighter, she continues to go to the bar every single day. She likes for men to get drunk and take her home. I am not sure what put me on her radar. I don’t really care, but she habitually trashes me to anyone that will listen. She tells people that I am broke, and that I live in a trailer. I will be honest, it infuriates me that I work as much as I do and pay so much in taxes, so that people like her can go to the bar everyday and then get free stuff from our government. She doesn’t have to sell her house to pay for her child’s college because it will be free.
Moreover, it disappoints me that she has such a following of people that hardly know me but want to hate on me. This has brought me a great deal of anxiety as the false things that she says about me make their way back to me. There are certain individuals that repeatedly ask where I now live. Why is it of such great concern where I live? It doesn’t matter where I live. I am living an amazing life.
What is the answer to all of this? The answer is to refocus. The process of refocusing began on my drive on Thursday to New Braunfels. Something major happened at work right as I was leaving my house. I almost delayed my trip. Then realized that something major will inevitably happen everyday to give me an excuse to continue on the path that I went down in 2020.
I logged out of my computer, and I headed to New Braunfels. Guess what? My extremely talented coworkers took care of the work issue without me. When I made my big decisions in 2019, I most definitely hopped to the right lily pad.
Now it is on me to cut out negativity and focus on what matters to me. I find it interesting the way things all played out. I am successful at my new job. I actually make more money than I did before, and I have a job that I would like to have until retirement. In less than two years, I have made my annual income in the stock market. Some of my biggest returns are on stocks that I could not have purchased if I was still employed with the big 4 firm.
I have set up brokerage accounts for my boys and my nephew. Brainy Bird’s account is all his own money. I funded Little Chirp’s and Baby Huey’s. This puts all three of them on track to have a substantial amount of money when the graduate from college.
The fur kids LOVE our new home. They are all four much happier than they were in the old house. Animals don’t care how big your house is. They want room to run. They run outside together in a little herd everyday. It is adorable.
Brainy Bird decided MIT was not his next step in life. He saw the sacrifices that I was making for him, and he decided he wanted to pave his own path. He now has enough in scholarships and his brokerage account to fully pay for college on his own. He has so many exciting options. I love it when he gets home from school and walks into the kitchen, which is also my home office in our tiny little house. He comes in each day just to give me a hug and a smile.
Ironically, it turns out that I did not need to sell my house in 2019, but I am beyond grateful that I did.
I can still remember the days I prayed for all the things I have now.