I wonder what Mom would have thought of TopGolf. We have been here since about 10 AM. The boys and I can never get enough TopGolf. I imagine Mom would have stressed over how expensive it is, but she would have liked the food, and she certainly would love the time with the boys.
This is my twelfth Mother’s Day without Mom. Where did twelve years go? I could cry myself to sleep every night thinking of all that she has missed. Life was difficult when she left this world. I think on some level she wanted to escape. That is hard to think about now.
Mom started living the day that she found out that she was dying. She suffered from so much regret and anxiety before she was diagnosed with terminal cancer. She made mistakes in life, but never did she every do anything to warrant the mental prison that she inflicted on herself. She managed her finances horribly. Because of this, her and Dad lost our family home, and she was financially dependent on her children. I understand this is an undesirable state to be in, but the flipside is that all of her children have been financially independent their entire lives.
I would happily have her with me today, and I would happily pay her every expense. I wish that she was here to see what an incredibly positive impact she has had on me and Brainy Bird. Mom was the best grandmother in the entire world. When Brainy Bird found out about his Stamp’s Scholarship, I could hear Mom in my head, “You know he gets his intelligence from Hugh.” Hugh is my father, and I think Mom would be right on some level.
Of all things that Mom taught me, do not wait to start living is the most important lesson. Mom died before we had smart phones tying us to the virtual world filled with endless social anxiety. Her lesson is even more important in today’s world.
She worried away so many days for so many years. Suddenly, she had a reason to worry; she found out she was going to die. That is when she cast away her worries, and she started to live life to the fullest. We had so much fun in that last year together. She no longer worried what anyone thought. She just wanted to spend time with her children and her grandsons. I want to live another 41 years, and I want to live every one of these years like mother lived her last.
Mom, I love you. I miss you. I am grateful for everything that you taught me. Happy Mother’s Day.
