It is January 1, 2024, I am writing much later in the day than I normally do. Little Chirp sits at the kitchen island finishing his second, possibly third bowl of chili, Brainy Bird and his girlfriend are sitting on the couch half watching the NCAA football playoff game, and half on electronic devices. All of the fur kids are gathered in the living room enjoying family time. Winter is fast asleep on a fluffy blanket that I folded up for her. Potatoe and Trooper are snuggled together in the recliner and Chewey is munching on the kitty food.
My thoughts swirl around me.
I do appreciate the moment, the last day of a wonderful holiday with close friends and my Birds. I look forward to returning to work, the work that I love and missed during my holiday. I am excited for Brainy Bird starting his new job tomorrow. He will be home for another four days before he returns to South Carolina for the spring semester of his junior year of college. Little Chirp says he is looking forward to everyone leaving the house tomorrow, so he can spend the entire day playing video games. We are caught up on chores, so I think he will have his day of gaming.
The 2024 year will be a big one for our little family. Brainy Bird turns 21 in February, and Little Chirp turns 16 in March. My goals for the year are ambitious and all set. These goals include running a half marathon at a 9-minute pace, losing 25 pounds, saving for my next big adventure, and writing a book. Yes, this will be the year that I finish a book. I set up spreadsheets for each of my goals with incremental milestones to track my progress throughout the year. I finished setting my goals and making spreadsheets to track my goals.
I also kicked my new year off with a 7-mile run, a painfully slow 7-mile run. At one point, I ran over a mile into a full-on head wind. Despite my slow pace, I felt a sense of self-confidence. Somehow, I know that I will achieve all of my goals for 2024.
Weeks ago, I imagined waking up early on this day, snuggled up with my love. I imagined us sitting on the back porch sipping coffee, talking about our plans the year ahead. Instead, I woke up late, and I woke up alone. I felt an empty sadness as I got my day, my year started. In the beginning, it never occurred to me that things would not work out with my love. Does love not conquer all?
The intense fog put a damper on coffee on the patio, making the empty feeling in my heart feel even more hollow. On Christmas Eve, I came to realize that I either needed to change what I want or change my choice in who to spend the rest of my life with. I want someone that wants to travel and see the world. I want someone that wants to dress up on occasion, on special days like Christmas Eve and go for a nice dinner. I want someone that gives me the things that I desire rather than trying to convince me that what I really want is something else.
The man that I spent the last year of my life with is not that person. I am not saying that I am right, and he is wrong; we simply want different things. He did not find me worth the effort, and I reached a point of being unhappy with settling for less than my heart desires. It hurts. It hurts to love someone so much and realize that they do not care enough to even try to put the effort into the relationship.
I may not be worth the effort in his mind, but I am worth it to someone out there. So, I begin my 2024 on my own.
Despite sleeping late, I made today into a highly productive day. I believe this productive day is day one of a highly productive year. I will focus on my goals for the year, and I will not worry my mind or burden my heart with the things that I cannot control. That my friend is my ultimate New Year’s resolution.
Happy New Year!