About two months ago, I sat with a close friend at a bar. She asked me what I was looking for in reference to romantic interests. I shared that while I would appreciate someone to enjoy things like wine dinners and travel with, I do not want to be in a relationship, and I expressed that I have little interest in dating. I want to focus on Little Chirp’s last two years of childhood, and I want to focus on my career.
Moreover, what would be right for me right now is likely not what I will want in two years. In two years, when Little Chirp graduates, I want to travel both for work and pleasure. I want the freedom to live somewhere other than Houston if this happens to be in the cards for me. I do not want to find myself in a relationship that in some way keeps me keeps me from these things. A month later, this holds even more true as the greatest opportunity of my career is in front of me.
As I explained this to my friend while we sat at the bar together, I glanced over at a classically handsome man looking across the bar at me. The fact that he is textbook attractive is not why I was making eye contact with him. I already know him, and I know he is not what I am looking for on a romantic front.
What I do appreciate about him, is that we belonged to the same writer’s workshop for nearly two years. I do not think that anyone ever meets in writer’s workshop and forms a romantic connection. I might be wrong, but that is my perspective. Writer’s workshop is some serious thinking and intense sharing of not pretty things on how a writer’s brain works.
I loved my time at writer’s workshop, but I eventually found myself in a relationship with someone that took me away from it. After breaking up with this significant other, I tried to return to writer’s workshop, the leader of the writer’s workshop would not let me back in, he says, “This is not church. You cannot just show back up and be welcomed back in whenever you want.”
I made eye contact with the guy across the bar because he is a key member of writer’s workshop. My eye contact was an attempt to read whether or not he would provide me support in my request to rejoin the group. My read on his expression was a yes, and this proved to be true a couple of weeks later. I am now welcomed back to writer’s workshop.
My friend noted the shared eye contact between me and the guy on the other side of the bar, and said, “What, you just want male attention?”
Once upon a time an accusatory question of this nature would make me feel angry. The person I am today did not take offense to the question. I simply answered honestly, “I definitely do not have a need for male attention. I do find myself seeking to better understand people in general, in particular single men.”
The next obvious question – What makes single men particularly curious? The answer is that I recently came to the realization that I hold a misconception about unmarried men outside of an age where one would typically have children. The misconception is that they live carefree lives of their choosing. While this may be true for many, it is not true for all. Until a long time friend confided in me that he regrets that he never got to be a father, I had no idea men felt this way. He also regrets spending his life at a career where he has been miserable for over a decade despite the extraordinary amount of wealth he accumulated.
Since this enlightening conversation, I find myself curious to know more. How do people feel about their lives? Do people feel tied down by being parents or is that the best thing in their lives? Do they enjoy the work they do? Is there a correlation doing something that one is passionate about and happiness vs working for financial gain? What makes people happy? If one had a chance to do it all over again, would they choose the same path?
How can we better support those around us? Is it possible that those on the outside looking in think that one has it made when in truth we could be a source of support and understanding for them that we do not even realize they need?
We all feel a need to be understood. I am seeking to understand others.