Spring Break came at just the right time. Work for me had gotten out of control, Little Chirp was having a hard time following the rules in school, and Brainy Bird was getting burned out by his mountain of homework. We all needed a break. During the break, I have gotten to catch up at work, and the Birds have gotten to have some fun with their grandparents. That said, it is only Tuesday, and I miss them terribly.
They have only been away for four days, and it has been really hard on me. Brainy Bird used to text me non-stop from his grandparent’s house, and now it is as if he is busy with other things when he is away. Brainy Bird is growing up fast. He has the maturity and thought process of a young adult, and this is both good and bad.
It is good in the sense that I can trust him to get on the bus on time, and to watch Little Chirp for a few hours from time to time. It is good in that he is free of the burdens of wanting to be cool or popular; he has a very strong sense of self. It is funny that I have parents of kids his own age asking if he can hang out with their kids, essentially babysitting from time to time, because their own kids of the same age are not yet mature enough to be trusted at home alone.
It is bad in the sense that he gets annoyed with some of his peers who act exactly like we expect adolescent boys to act. It is also bad in that there is a lot in the world that I cannot shield him from no matter how hard I try.
He has the IQ of a genius and his mind goes way beyond the average young adult, certainly beyond the average tween. I worry that he sits with Little Chirp and I at dinner and thinks that he is surrounded by idiots, while Little Chirp and I discuss things that are on a first graders mind. I am aware of the fact that Brain Bird also once bounced off the bus every day to tell me everything that everyone said and did that day, and now he shares less and less of the details of his day.
Still, I see a young man that is growing up right. He does come to me when he perceives there to be a big issue, but he handles things on his own as long as he thinks he can. I wonder how his mind makes the decision on when to confide in me and when to deal with the situation. It seems to me that if it involves just him – matters such as his school work or the girl at school that likes him, he is pretty quiet. His grades are excellent, and so far all of the girls have been respectable young ladies. As someone that is attracted to intelligence myself, it does not surprise me that girls take interest in him. I can’t ever seem to gauge whether or not he reciprocates the interest from these young ladies.
Of course, I would like it if Brainy Bird still shared every detail of his day and still came to me about everything. I have a hard time watching my baby grow up, but I know that he won’t grow up to be independent and self-reliant if he does still come to me for everything, so I am slowly learning to let him fly on his own.
He does come still come to me on a few topics. The number one topic he comes to me on is Little Chirp. If he is worried Little Chirp is getting into trouble, or being exposed to something bad, he tells me in an instance. We had a recent time at a friend’s house when all of the kids that are Little Chirp’s age were upstairs with the “big kids” that are Brainy Bird’s age, and one of the big kids was talking in what Brainy Bird felt to be in inappropriate manner about girls. Brainy Bird told me in his matter of fact tone, “Mom, I am growing up. I hear the boys talk about the girls, and I hear them talk about kissing and sex. I can handle it. I can’t handle when they say things in front of little kids. They should know better, and they need to be told something.”
My heart dropped into my shoes. If I had eaten lunch that day it would have come up. I started to panic….kids at school are talking about girls and sex? Private school…private school…where can I send him to private school to shield him? Before words would come out of my mouth, I stabilized, and reprocessed what I had just heard. I tried to put it into perspective. I remember talking to my girlfriends in sixth grade about boys and sex. Why would I think that it would be any different for my child? Well…because it is my child.
Then the full gravity of what Brainy Bird had told me sunk in. Good big brother, that Brainy Bird. I told him that I would have a talk with the boy’s mother. I also reminded him that this kid doesn’t have any younger siblings, and that he should not be afraid to tell him what is and is not appropriate to say in front of younger children. Brainy Bird took action right away, and I was really proud of him.
From a school project perspective, Brainy Bird will keep most assignments a secret. He doesn’t want my help, and he doesn’t want me to see what he writes or presents to the class. He HATES to write, yet he is a really good writer, and he is extremely shy about sharing what he writes with me. I think that he is worried that I will be critical of it or that it will not be up to my standards. In every case, where he has put in a diligent effort, this has not been the case at all. I love to read his words on paper. We joke that despite his disdain for writing he is going to be a famous writer (my dream for myself) just to spite me for driving him so hard in school.
In contrast, there are certain projects that Brainy Bird will schedule time with me to sit down and discuss. Of course, I am available whenever he needs me, but this scheduled time means that Little Chirp is not picked up from afterschool care right away. Instead, I come straight home and Brainy Bird and I have some time just the two of us. The projects always relate to computers and/or trading. Any time that Brainy Bird can choose his own topic on a project at school, the topic entails one of the two. The deeper his technical skills get, and the more he learns about financial and commodities trading the more I realize that the years are flying by and my little Brainy Bird is going to leave the nest soaring above me.
The last topic that Brainy Bird will come to me on is current events. Sometimes it is simply stuff that amuses him that he wants to share with me like the debate over the color of that dress on the Internet, and sometimes it is the really difficult topics. The toughest topic right now is ISIS. The worst to date was the elementary school shooting in Connecticut. All of these conversations start the same way with him coming to me about something, and me saying, “Tell me what you have heard about this. Has there been any discussion in class? What are kids saying outside of class?” He always talks first. Funny, he knows the drill, and he starts in now without me even framing the conversation.
Exactly, two thirds of the years that I have with Brainy Bird in the nest have flown by. I just have one third of those years left, and that is assuming that he does not pursue an early high school graduation, which he easily could. Here’s to making those years count.