I have run three marathons and four half marathons. I never felt all that nervous about them, and I definitely never felt a sense of fear before hand. Before each major running event, my mind started to run through scenarios in which I failed to complete the race, and in every case there was some doubt in my mind that I would be successful. Then each time there was a point in which I knew I owned the situation, and that I would put one put in front of the other until I got to the finish line. Usually, this realization happens a week or a few days before the race. The worst being the New Orleans Rock n Roll marathon that I ran with my sister. I hadn’t trained, and I doubted that I could finish until the gun went off, and the music started playing, and I knew I owned it. (sis – that will forever be my best marathon experience, and you made it so!!)
Back to Post 1 of the MS150 blogs, these endurance challenges are a MENTAL exercise.
I keep telling myself that, but I threw up today just before a user acceptance test. I do not think Awesome Shoe Chic at work that was doing the testing made me nervous. It is definitely the MS150 that is FREAKING me out. I had lunch with Mommy Bear today, and I admitted that I have a crazy fear of dying over the weekend.
I haven’t been eating right all week. I got food poisoning or something on Sunday and went the next 24 hours without eating. I haven’t been sleeping. I feel like did the time that I stood on the glass for of the CN Tower in Toronto…week in the knees, nauseous, shaky, and faint.
I definitely feel a different sense of pressure than I never felt in any of my major running events. Everyone has been awesomely supportive and generous in their donations to the MS foundation on my behalf. I am looking forward to sending the thank you email with a picture of me crossing the finish line to all of them. I do not want to let them down. When I first talked about doing this, my brother bet me the entire minimum fundraising amount that I could not complete the race. Now the fact that he is driving from Baton Rouge to Austin just be supportive and drive me back to Houston further pressures me. Mys sister is rearranging her work schedule in order to come to Austin. Then there is the matter of my pride…
From a logistics standpoint, I am all set (this is entirely because of my co-workers who know what they are doing, and it is in now way to my credit). From a mental perspective, I am not there yet. The race starts in 71 hours. When is that voice of confidence inside my head going to kick in? Again – this is MENTAL challenge, not a physical one.