Our two year anniversary in this house is in 10 days. We are finally unpacking the last of the boxes. One of the boxes that I unpacked this morning was full of Mom’s things. In the box, along with old cards and photographs, I found a print out of an email that I sent to her seven years ago. Mom passed away less than 2 months after I sent this to her. I remember laying in bed that night with my laptop typing this email; I didn’t realize that she had printed the email and kept it. March 2 of this year will be the seven year anniversary of her death. I will never stop missing her.
Tuesday, January 20, 2009 9:43:45 PM
Dear Mom,
You are right here with me everyday, and you know how crazy things are. There is never a dull moment with a marriage, a full time job, a five year old and a baby. Sometimes, I wonder how you managed it all. When my brother was my son’s age, I was three and my sister was eighteen months old, and Dad was always at work. Things were even more hectic for you at that time than they were for me, and I have you here to help me. There must have been days that got the best of you. You did an amazing job compared to any mother, and an exceptionally, amazing job at playing the hand that you were dealt.
You told me once that all you want for any of your children is for us to be happy and to be kind to others. That is something that I have never doubted. You were never one of those mothers obsessed with us becoming cheerleaders or being beautiful or marrying someone from the society pages. You have never been impressed with us kids for going to college or landing six figure jobs. You have always just concerned yourself with whether or not we were safe and happy. And your focus has always been on how we treat others.
You make it easy to be me. There are times when I sit down and look around. I think to myself, “Mom is not impressed with the balance in my bank account. Mom is not concerned with the things that usually cause me stress…I ask myself, ‘Have I done right by others and am I happy?’, and when the answer is yes then I know that is what you want.”
I remember the very first time that I held my son, all warm and snuggly in my arms, I said to him, “I am your Mommy. I hope that you have a child of your own some day because only then when you know just how much I love you.” It was such a realization to become a mother, and to know just how much you have loved me my entire life. Children give us a new perspective on the entire world, including how much we value our family.
I have so many happy memories of my childhood, and your grandson loves to hear all about the things you did for me when I was his age. He thinks I am the luckiest person in the world to have you as my mother…I think so too.
Love,
Me
