For every one of my blog readers with a relationship status of, “single”, and for everyone in need of a laugh, I highly recommend the book – “Modern Romance” by Aziz Ansari. The book talks about dating in today’s information age, and I think that it is both interesting and a great depiction of how the dating world has evolved in such a short amount of time. Even in the six years that I have been single, the dating world has evolved.
Personally, I am caught between evolving and staying true to my old-school, country girl ways. My issue with dating isn’t meeting a suitable man; I know lots of suitable men; moreover, I know lots of suitable men that want to date me. That’s not the issue. My issue is twofold. One, I have this fairy tale idea of love in my head. I am not one for romantic comedies, but that is how I envision my love life. I am determined to be anti-online dating, and I entertain myself by shooting men down in bars. When I do go on dates with someone that I met online or in a bar I am guarded and determined not to show them any indication that I feel a connection with them. I do this even when I am interested. In short, I don’t give these men a fair chance, because I so want that romantic love story. This drastically reduces my relationship prospects.
Issue two, I am mentally monogamous. I made that term up last night while having a drink with Sunshine. What I mean by “mentally monogamous” is that there is always just one guy that I am interested in. Sometimes this is a man that I am actively dating and leaning towards a relationship with, but often times it is just a guy that I some how know through means other than online dating or the bar scene, and I am hoping he will ask me out. Sometimes, I turn every other offer for a date down, waiting on this one guy to come around, and sometimes I go on dates with other men, but those men aren’t going to have an opportunity to make a connection with me or spark my interest no matter who they are. I was taught that a girl only dates one man at a time, so it makes sense that this is the way that my mind works. The story pretty much ends the same every time. I spend too much time thinking and not enough time taking action, and this chosen man in my world of “mental monogamy” will inevitably disappoint me. Usually, this disappointment comes on the first date, and I never even agree to a second date with him. The man simply turns out to be different than I pictured him in my romantic comedy.
I am happy in life, and I have no problem with being single. Yet, I think that it would be nice to find a healthy relationship and ultimately someone to grow old with. I know that my current issues with dating are hindering my progress towards finding this relationship. I also feel that with the right mindset dating is a lot of fun. I want to enjoy this fun. In light of all of this, I have decided to take on a new perspective and change my approach and attitude for dating. I am making up my own set of dating rules, which I will follow for 90 days, and then after 90 days, I will evaluate the results.
Rule #1, unless there is a deal breaker of some kind, a man gets three dates. This will include suitable men that I meet online and in the bar scene, which means that there will be first, second and third dates that I would not have accepted in the past. It takes time to get to know a person, and I am extremely guilty of not giving good guys a fair chance. Still, there is a standard to the men that I date, and I have a few deal breakers in which the man does not get another date, so far for my little rules adventure, these deal breakers are:
1) A man that is not a gentleman – I rarely find myself on date with a man that is not a gentleman, but it is will likely rule out at least one potential suitor out. Obviously, if a man leaves me to walk alone in the dark to my car on the first date, I am not signing up for a second dangerous walk.
2) A man that misrepresents himself – I am going to actually give online dating a fair try, but if a man significantly inflates or out right misrepresents himself, there simply can’t be a follow up date.
3) A man that is angry, negative and/or rude about the world around him – Life is short. There isn’t any room in life for negativity.
Rule #2, I am by nature very forward and responsive. I am going to take the advice of Mr. Ansari (author of Modern Romance) and Herby (friend at work), and play the game a bit. I am NOT talking about head games. I am talking about stepping back, and letting the man take the lead. If he doesn’t initiate a date, a kiss, etc. then he doesn’t get one. If he doesn’t initiate, then that will be the end of things. It is too true that no matter what a girl has going for her, most men need to chase it a little to appreciate what they have. I don’t fault a man for this. I know that I am a little guilty on this front myself sometimes.
It will be different to be actively dating rather than sitting around wait for that one guy that I am interested in to be what I want him to be. I am going to try this for 90 days, and then see where I am. At the very least it will be fun to be out dating rather than waiting.
Looking at the date of this blog post makes me laugh 🙂 Here goes…..stay tuned.