Sunshine, my best friend, is preparing to be an empty nester. She is having a hard time dealing with her youngest going all the way to Syracuse, New York for college to the point that her daughter almost seems reluctant to go. I myself have had a mild panic attack or two over knowing that Mare is no longer going to be just a mile or two away. I remember when I held her as a baby. She was the first baby that I ever held.
I know that Mare is going to be amazing, and that she is going to have a career in theatre that she will love, and I know that her mother is going to embrace the next era of her own life. I also know that it is going to take some time. For 20 years, it has been all about two beautiful little humans. Now they are off on their own, in totally different parts of the country, and it is time for Sunshine to think about what is next in the life of Sunshine. Mothers love their children more than life itself, and it is beautiful and gut wrenching at the same time to learn to let go.
Being a good mother means teaching your child to take care of themselves, to have responsibilities, to be independent and to pave their own way in life. The reward for being a good mother is that they leave you. There is a bit of irony in that, but is beautiful irony.
As I comfort Sunshine in her difficult life transition, and I prepare my oldest to begin high school, I know two things. The first is that the days ahead are going to fly by, and I want to embrace every minute that I have with him. The second is that in four short years, when it is time for Brainy Bird to go off to college, I have to be ready. I am going to need four years to be ready.
Last Friday, we went to high school orientation, and then I spoiled both my Birds with a fancy lunch. We spent the evening as a family playing games, mostly games that we make up for the Billard’s table. Friday is a perfect example of the sort of day that I am going to long for in four years when Brainy Bird heads off to college.
On Saturday, I got a little taste of being a teenager’s mom. During the day, Little Chirp’s dad took Little Chirp’s to play football, which freed Brainy Bird and I up for some one-on-one time. We spent the morning organizing his room and then we did a little shopping.
Given a thousand guesses, one would not be able to guess what we went shopping for. The answer is glass jars. We have the idea to put faux gem stones into four jars. The four jars represent his four years of high school, and the gems represent each day that Brainy Bird has left of that school year…aka the days that he has left before he goes off to college. Then a fifth jar, represents the days that have gone by. Everyday, we take a gem from one of the smaller jars and move it to the “days gone by” jar to remind us that our precious days together are numbered.
Okay, that is not a taste of being a teenager’s mom. That is what it is like to be the mother of a thoughtful, family-oriented, young man. The taste of being a teenager’s Mom came later on Saturday. We picked up Little Chirp from his football game, and we went for a small bite to eat. Then we went home to knock out the rest of our chores. As soon as we finished our chores, Brainy Bird was off on his bike. It was around five o’clock. I watched “Harry and the Henderson’s” with Little Chirp. It was a nice evening just the two of us. Little Chirp really liked deciding what we would get on our pizza.
After the movie it was dark outside, and Little Chirp was ready for bed. I took my time tucking him in. He usually doesn’t want to be tucked in. I think he thinks that it makes him seem babyish in front of big brother. But tonight, it was just the two of us, so I got to tuck the little guy in and tell him one of his favorite bedtime stories.
Once Little Chirp was off to sleep, I texted my teenager, “Where are you?”
His response, “At a friend’s house.”
My blood pressure rose a tiny bit. I have low blood pressure, it rose, but not high enough to be normal blood pressure, so not high. Still it rose. Does he really think that is a sufficient response?
I texted back, “Which friend? Where does he live?”
Brainy Bird responded, “Cade’s house. He lives in our old neighborhood.”
Doorstep to doorstep, it is exactly one mile. For Brainy Bird, that is 4 minutes on a bike. Sidewalks connect the whole way from doorstep to doorstep. It is close to the point that most people think that it is all one neighborhood. Still, I felt worried. Brainy Bird was exercising his new privilege of being allowed out after dark provided that he was with a friend, in a place we are connected to by sidewalks, and that I know his whereabouts.
In non-teenager fashion, he texted back when I did not respond offering to come home. I wanted to say, “Yes, please get home right away.” Instead, I held my breath.
I texted back, “I want you home by 10:30. Text me when you get on your bike to ride home, and the second that you get home, text me again.”
Like clockwork, at 10:20, Brainy Bird sent me a text saying that he was leaving Cade’s house. In four minutes, I watched him pull into our driveway on his bike, via our new security cameras. It is rare that I am awake past 10 PM; it is never that I feel that awake past 10 PM. I heard the garage door close, and I heard him come in. I wanted to see if he would do exactly as I asked. Sure enough, he texted me as soon as he shut the garage door.
As I heard him go up the stairs, I shouted, “I love you kiddo.”
He said, “I love you too Mom. Thanks for letting me go tonight.”
Ironic choice of words, “letting me go”. Does he get that is all that is on my mind these days?
The next day, we talked about his semester, freshman year and four year goals. He was super serious about his goals this year. I laugh, I remember last year, one of Brainy Bird’s goals was to grow taller than Mommy. This time last year, that seemed like a stretch goal. Today, he is slightly taller than me. He took his goal setting much more seriously this year.
Brainy Bird has big plans for the next four years – he wants to be accepted into the University of Texas and at least one of the following universities: – An Ivy League school, Stanford, MIT or Berkeley. He wants to be more social, spending more time with friends. He wants to be proficient in conversational Spanish and at playing the guitar. He wants to join the robotics club and the math team. He wants to be a part of a church youth group and to make a significant contribution as a volunteer at our beloved church camp, Slumber Falls. He wants to see Europe.
I think back to Sunshine’s beautiful daughter, Mare beginning high school, and I think about how far she has come and how much she has accomplished…..and I am crying <again>. I am also beyond happy. Brainy Bird has some amazing role models, and it is now my turn to watch my own child head down the path of independence, finding oneself and becoming ready to venture out into the world on their own.
Learn with me, as I learn when to let go.