It is a peaceful Thursday evening on my back porch. For me, it is the start of a four day weekend. It does not feel like the start of a four day weekend. I have not been to work in more than a week. I am not sure where all the time went this past week, it is a sort of blur. While I do feel a peacefulness inside me as I look upon the beautiful sunset, I feel a sort of sadness inside.
I do not have survivor guilt. Some have posted on Facebook that they feel guilty because they were unaffected by Hurricane Harvey, while so many others have lost people that they love or everything they own. I feel extremely grateful that we were safe during the hurricane.
My sadness is not survivor guilt. My sadness is that what has happened makes me think of the days that have gone by. Life is going by quickly. I cannot get those days back. Did I make the best use of those days? What if Hurricane Harvey had taken my own life. Were my last days worth remembering?
Just looking at the last week that I have been at home, today marks exactly a week that Hurricane Harvey has had us all at home as offices and schools and homes are flooded. What did I do with this week? I turned the television on everyday, and I watched the news coverage. I worried about what I could not control. I cried often.
I busied myself with work tasks that could have been picked up by folks in other cities or simply put on hold until the storm’s furry passed. I could have spent the time with the boys playing and appreciating life instead of worrying away the days. I could have and should have turned off the news coverage and turned on a movie on Netflix.
Something that i have said again and again in this blog is that I want to stop worrying and to stop wasting my time on things that I can not change. I want to focus my time on my boys, my friends, my family and my career. I admit that I let worry get the best of me this week. All that I can do now is to try to do better in the days ahead.
Please pray for the many lives that have been devastated by Hurricane Harvey.