I always think that I should write down the amusing things that people say and assemble them into a little book of quotes. Here is a start…
MS150 Quotes
Advice from Engineer CB, one of my MS150 supporters, regarding the intense head winds forecasted for day 1 of the MS150 ride, “Draft, draft, draft (and I don’t mean beer).”
Canary, day 1, first ten mile trek, “Are we there yet?”
Most inspiring jersey quote, “We Ride for Those Who Can’t”
As I passed one of my co-workers on about mile 60, day 1 of the MS150 ride, “I didn’t know you were a cyclist” Funny, I didn’t know I was either.
At the tent in Austin I explained to Little Chirp that I rode all the way there on my bike, he asked, “Are you going to ride all the way back?”
Kid Quotes
“Can I have one more story Mommy?” asks Little Chirp, after hearing Brave Little Pedals, Ruffy has No Friends and our newest story Ruffy and Little Chirp Make New Friends. I was out of stories at that point. So I said I would think of a new one for tomorrow, and I asked Little Chrip which of his stuffed animals he wanted to have star in tomorrow’s story, Little Chirp thought for a moment and then said in his best stage announcer voice, “Tomorrow our story will be…(long pause with a look of great excitement on his face)…The Kitty That Toots”
Brainy Bird to Little Bird, “Geez, did you just let one go or what?” Little Bird’s response, “I toot everyday.”
I was getting Baby ready the other morning. He said, “What are we going to do today?” I said, “You are going to school, and I am going to work.” He cried out, “But Mommy, we did that yesterday!”
In July, we moved to a new house, which meant that Brainy Bird had to start at a new school in the fall. God blessed him with an amazing teacher. I told her about all of the recent changes in Brainy Bird’s life, and she suggested that we wait for awhile before doing his Gifted and Talented testing. He had passed with flying colors at his two previous schools, and I knew he would again, but I decided to adhere to her advice. The GT teacher insisted that he had to do the testing right away. We got a report a few weeks later that Brainy Bird was now only gifted in Social Studies. Apparently, reading the entire Harry Potter series over the summer caused him to forget how to read, and he went stupid in math and science. I knew that I simply had to go up to the school to get him put back into the other GT groups. I took a different approach. GT is mostly just extra work. I can’t think of a GT assignment that really helped shape Brainy Bird’s little mind. I decided to save the time we would spend doing meaningless GT work. We would spend our school nights learning about other religions, learning math short cuts, and playing games like Phase 10 and scrabble. That is what we have done all year long, and it has been great. Then at dinner the other night, Brainy Bird had a copy of TuckEverlasting on the table. I thought aloud that it is a big book for third grade. Brainy Bird explained that it was for GT. I said, “I thought they decided you were not GT”. Brainy Bird said coolly, “Yeah, they said that, but then they got to know me.”
Brainy Bird, in reference to his four year old little brother, “Can we send him to overnight camp in the summer? It would be good for him”
Brainy Bird speaking to a neighbor in reference of Little Chirp, “I think he can actually ride the bike already. We do not know because Mom will not let go of him.”
I had all of my pieces set up to win the game of Sorry! Sliders that we were playing, and Little Chirp used his last piece to knock me all over the board, I said sweetly, “And Stinky Butt keeps Mommy from winning AGAIN,” Little Chirp’s scowled and his made his sad brown puppy dog eyes for a moment saying, “I am NOT Stinky Butt!” He paused for a moment, and then the light returned to his eyes, and he smiled and said excitedly, “I am Crazy Butt!”
At Texas Roadhouse for dinner, I said, “Let’s say the prayer.” Little Chirp jumped right in with, “Let me say it!” We bowed our heads and Little Chirp said, “Thank you for my family. Thank you for the wonderful food, like the chili and cheese, but not for the onions. I just don’t like onions.”
Over a Few Beers
Sitting at brunch with Yankee Boy and his friend, Dr. Dre. Dr. Dre is a high caliber triathlete. And an attractive one at that. The two got into a quarrel over who was more competitve. They went back and forth for a bit and Dr. Dre ended the discussion with, “I finished on the f’ing podium, you didn’t even register a time.”
For finishing “on the podium” Dr. Dre won a free massage, which he had no intention of redeeming. His take on it, with his Canadian accent, “I do not get tampered with by randoms.”
A few of us were sitting at an outside table at Beaver’s enjoying the amazing weather. We were debating what one of the girl’s blog name should be. She asked for some examples of names, I rattled off Yankee Boy, Dr. Dre, Mr. I Ride Really Fast on a Bike, Young Adventurer. She asked, “Why do you call him Yankee Boy?” I laughed, “Because he is from Oklahoma.” She nodded as if that cleared everything up. Yankee Boy showed up later in the day to explain that he is in fact from Maryland, and technically a borderline Yankee.
Our waitress at Soma when I ordered Asahi asked if I wanted it in a bottle or on draught. I told her that I did not know it ever came on draught. She then launched into a long spiel about how great it is, which included, “and the beer has a higher alcohol content because the grapes are fermented longer.” The beer did turn out to be pretty good on draught, but no grapes were involved.
Office Quotes
Let’s start with Stealth at work. I knew him for a couple of weeks, I had created a few reports for him. I was at his desk reviewing the completed work, and he says, “You proved to be much more capable than I would have thought, can you do some more work for me?”
I was sitting at my desk enjoying the leftover shrimp and okra gumbo that I had made the night before. It was so good. Random Guy (that’s his official blog name) walks by my desk on his way out to lunch, he says, “Wow, that smells good.” I bragged, “Yeah, it really is! I love okra. I put almost twice what the recipe called for.” He wrinkled his forehead, and gave me the cockerspaniel head tilt of uncertainty. Then his head turned back to what I assume is its normal position. He then proceeded to look me up and down, and said, “You can cook?” I am not sure why that is such a shocker.
Marathon Signs
Worst parade ever.
If a marathon was easy it would be called your mother.
Taz Quotes
I asked for a turnip, and you are giving me a salad.
That’s like putting lipstick on a pig.
Short and sweet, like me.