There have been times when I have lowered my expectations on how someone that I was dating treated me. I have lowered these expectations for a variety of reasons, ranging from them being someone that I thought that I really liked, to them being recently single and not really understanding how to date to them being someone that I knew as a friend for awhile before we ever dated. Of course, the situations never worked out.
I think that online dating is a detriment to how men treat women and women treat men in the dating world. As an analogy, consider if one had only one pair of shoes. I would think that one would take exceptional care of these shoes. In contrast, a person with a closet full of shoes would probably not worry about scuffing a pair up every now and then. They would probably have shoes that they intentionally wear when it is muddy outside, and a favorite pair or two that still took exceptional care of. Online makes people think that they have so many options and the more options that we have the more disposable that what we have is.
I refuse to adapt to this, and I refuse to adopt this behavior. I have a multittude of conversations with close single friends that think I need to give guys more leeway, and basically lower expectations. Why would I do that? As time has passed, I have noticed that these close friends do not mind how guys treat them because they treat others in the same manner. My friend Milt told me once that he agreed with me on my philosophy of how people should treat people that they date, but the world has simply changed, and that I need to evolve with the rest of the world. I told him that I would rather set out to change the world than evolve into a culture of serial dating where people treat one another without basic respect. Milt told me good luck. He meant it in a kind way, not a sarcastic way.
I realize now that I do not have to change the world. I just have to find one person who also refuses to adapt to the dating culture that online dating has created, and refuses to adopt these behaviors. I do not have to be angry or despise online dating. I definitely do not have to lower my expectations. I simply have to stand by what I believe in and be patient. I think that there is also an element of communication in letting a guy know in a constructive way how I want to be treated. Well, and there is a element of being able to identify the special guy that will treat me right in the first place.
I would rather be single than comprise what I want or what I believe in. If I compromise then my children will likely witness this and compromise in their own relationships one day.
Funny, this is one of the four posts that I refer to in my “Easy Read” post. When I was writing this post, I thought that the conclusion would be that I had found that one person that knows how to treat me. Doh! 😝 I get things wrong sometimes. That’s okay. Making mistakes builds character.
Stay tuned….